it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
