Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
