1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drunk is not a location!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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