I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
