I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
