I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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