I CAN MOONWALK!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
please come you make the beer taste better
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
