Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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