you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
