Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
