69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
