Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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