i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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