I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
