Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
