Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
