I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
