this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize