A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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