guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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