Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
