We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
