Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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