Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
