When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My ass is underappreciated
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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