she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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