She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
