new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
