Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
