She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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