I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
