he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
