I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize