I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
