got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize