totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
