I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
