just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
