Betty ford says i'm here all night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
