she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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