what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
