I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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