My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
