do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
