That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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