We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
