I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
