her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
