Having a random hookup so left but love u
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
