He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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