Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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