Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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