Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
