Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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