You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
