This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
