ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
