dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
