I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
