thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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