plz talk dirty to me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He passed out mid-signature
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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