Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
