considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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