2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
