Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize