You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize