am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
