i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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