As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
