Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
