If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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