did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A+ Viking dick
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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