Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
