I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
