Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize