it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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