He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
