Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
should my penis look like a turkey
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
