Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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