Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
