my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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