There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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