My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
