I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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