If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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