why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
