just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
