I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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