It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He better not be in your backpack
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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