Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
