I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
