Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
