Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
