I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
