Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
